i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
