I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
