So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
