Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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