I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
