oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
