until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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