Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
