I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
