my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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