i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
