If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
