can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
