I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
