i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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