I heard we made out
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
