I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
