last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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