I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
