well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
