a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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