Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
