Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
a search helicopter?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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