2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it's great music for shaving your balls
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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