You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
