My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
