they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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