I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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