Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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