just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
