Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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