she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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