we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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