i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
