She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
