when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
