Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Alive.
So much puke
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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