I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
