So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
