Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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