he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
