dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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