he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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