I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
