Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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