I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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