to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
