just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He passed out mid-signature
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
