Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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