i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
