she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
