so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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