I am spending my child support on dildos
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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