Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
