just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
