If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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