The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
