Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize