Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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