Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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