I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What a dumb baby whore.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
