Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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