Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
