When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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