At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
