i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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