wake up i wanna do it froggy style
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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