he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
