it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
