and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
