Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
