Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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